Missing

I thought of you today and that scent you left on my pillow in the first place

And walking up to the long park all alone, having the first drinks at the dodgy pub, then walking towards our destiny.

I had heard the breaking waves of my future warning me "You'll be hurt again." 

I never learnt. 

I couldn't take not knowing what the next day would bring- the uncertainty was sawing me in two. The room was dark. A flickering candle burns on the window ledge a few feet away. I take a deep breath, which is to say, as deep a breath as I can take, until I could feel the air smoothly calming me down.

"I'm sorry"  he said.

I wrap my arms around him and say "I'll miss you."

then I continue

"Why couldn't we manage missing each other, while we were still together?" 

• sometimes the only way to move forward is to stop moving, to stand still and decide that no matter what happens, that no matter how much it hurts, your exactly where you want to be.