Mornings

I am quieter in the mornings now,
Calmer in fights,
Faster in rush,
Darker in love,
Sadder in noons,
Happier in nights.

Shyer in talks
Griever in thoughts.
Angrier in dreams,
Older in zests

Kinder in smiles
Coarser in fondles
Hater of lovers,
Yearner of goners



I am everything you'd hoped me to be once

Time

When you look back, at all of the things

You start to realise, how difficult it must have been

And how painful, it was to leave

Everything behind.

And when you look to now, at all of your pains

You start to finalise your incomplete words

And see how tough, it gets to reach to a full stop.

To finish them all.

When you look at the future, at everything you yearn to do

You begin to yearn more, wishing if only it wasn't that hard

And remember how sweet, it was to lose yourself in his pillow

To start all over again.

Surrender

To who? To what?

Under what circumstances one shall surrender, when is the right time to say "I am done"?


Sometimes it is harder to move on, than standing still

Wolves

There are many wolves around
There always have been, from the sunrise to sundown
I could hear their cormorant inhales as they gotten closer day by day
And then it became odd still having dreams about you
Although, in which, you would tell me to wake up.
I would cry in screams, "Why can't I sleep with you?"

You would tremble in fear:
"Forever we will be baited for the wolves, they shall feed on all our dreams".

06/05/2016

Missing

I thought of you today and that scent you left on my pillow in the first place

And walking up to the long park all alone, having the first drinks at the dodgy pub, then walking towards our destiny.

I had heard the breaking waves of my future warning me "You'll be hurt again." 

I never learnt. 

I couldn't take not knowing what the next day would bring- the uncertainty was sawing me in two. The room was dark. A flickering candle burns on the window ledge a few feet away. I take a deep breath, which is to say, as deep a breath as I can take, until I could feel the air smoothly calming me down.

"I'm sorry"  he said.

I wrap my arms around him and say "I'll miss you."

then I continue

"Why couldn't we manage missing each other, while we were still together?" 

• sometimes the only way to move forward is to stop moving, to stand still and decide that no matter what happens, that no matter how much it hurts, your exactly where you want to be.

Being Lonely

Have you ever felt like, you are surrounded by tens of people, but yet, that giant gap inside you grows day by day, until a day when you feel like, you cannot breathe?

Do not get me wrong, I love my life. I love the way things progress the more I give in to my work. However, there is just something inside eating me. And I guess I know what it is.

6th of January, 2016. The day when I lost my dad. That day something snapped inside. Something broke away. And the Onur I knew beforehand, got lost forever, was sent into oblivion.

And this new guy, is interesting, so much tougher yet sentimental; breakable.

I don't understand him, I kinda like him though. His will to survive, his shiftiness, his determination and his agony. Makes him stronger. Just that it worries me the little kid inside is being damaged.

That kid was everything to me.